Let Go and Let God: Embracing Trust with All Your Heart

I've been going through a tough season in my life in the last few weeks/month. When you picture your life one way, and it doesn't work out how you want it to, it's a hard pill to swallow. But in my walk of faith I've had to learn that it's God's will, not mine. I may have a plan for my life, but it's not always what will work out. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have always wanted a big family. I've always talked about how I've wanted 3-4 kids, after having Carson, I just knew physically, I'd only be able to have one more baby. I always thought I'd have one more. Sometimes there are things that get shown to you from a different perspective that make you realize that you aren't the only piece of the puzzle, that no matter your heart yearns for it, seeing it from their eyes gives you that one missing piece of the puzzle that you didn't see before. If you've been in my life for a long time, and were around when Gracelynn was born, or if you've taken the time to read my testimony book, you'll know that her birth was not rainbows and butterflies. It was terrifying, and very traumatic. And then fast forward to my son Carson being born, his time in the hospital ended up in a NICU stay and was traumatic in it's own way as well. But God was with them both, and they are both 2 beautiful, healthy and happy children.

 In life, and in marriage, there are times when you have to make a sacrifice, or fold when you don't want to. That's something that I have had to do and it was the most heartbreaking decision I've had to make, and that decision is to not have any more babies. As I agreed, I also grieved. I felt like that photo above, just sobbing to my Father. But in that heartbreak, I also felt a sense of approval from Him and that's when I knew I made the right decision, no matter how my flesh may feel, my spirit was at peace with the choice I made. I'm still working through this decision, it's not going to go away, I'm sure a part of me will always miss what could have been on some level. But I know that God has something great planned for not only my life, but for my husbands life and my kids lives.

 There is such a beauty in trusting the Lord with all of your heart. It's not always easy, honestly, more often than not it's hard.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. -Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV